A few weeks ago, a little girl named Alanna made such an impression in a new episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" that even I stopped to watch her. My remote landed on the show as I was flipping through the channels, just long enough to see her grabbing her tiny six-year-old gut and exclaiming that "A dollar make me holler honey boo boo child."
I was hooked. I watched the entire episode. And I wasn't alone: Alanna's wacky antics made her an internet sensation.
One of Alanna's claims to fame is her "Go-Go Juice." The practice of doping toddler pageant queens with sugar and caffeine had been, up until that point, kept quiet. Apparently everyone does it, but only Alanna and her mother were frank enough (or artless enough) to admit it.
Studying the bottle Alanna drank from (which had its label removed), I assumed that her Go-Go Juice was Mountain Dew. I was half right.
I know, right? The kid is SIX.
I was a little scared of that concoction, and I'm a grown adult. But I just couldn't resist the allure. Which is why I am having trouble writing this article: I am having trouble typing, because I am too jittery. I am not even joking: this stuff packs a wallop.
The taste is certainly odd. Both Mountain Dew and Red Bull have tastes that I would describe as "citrusy floral." I wondered what would happen if you combined them. I was familiar with Red Bull and 7-Up (delicious!) but the entire point of that drink is to dilute the Red Bull punch. I couldn't imagine doing the opposite.
There are a lot of strange things about Go-Go Juice. Surely one of the strangest is that the tastes of both drinks seem to cancel each other out. The resulting drink is less citrusy and floral than either component tastes on its own. However, the reduction in citrus/floral brings to prominence a strange chalky/metallic taste, like a vitamin pill.
Despite what Alanna's mother told Dr. Drew, it does not taste like "apple juice." (Her description makes me wonder what the eff kind of apple juice that family drinks?)
I tell you one thing for sure, though: Go-Go Juice does kinda make me want to twirl around while giggling madly. And I'm betting the crash in an hour or two will be equally epic. (Hold me?)