2. I remember the early days of microwave popcorn, back in the 1980s. Those were the early days of "ranch flavor," too. Some marketing genius combined the two: you microwaved your popcorn, then tore open a little foil packet of ranch seasoning and poured it into the bag. It always clumped, but it tasted divine (if you were ten).
3. Microwave popcorn's texture seemed weird to me, compared to "normal" popcorn. Now I have been eating the fake stuff for so long that if I make a batch of real popcorn - by pouring kernels into a pan and cooking it on the stove - its texture seems weird to me.
Microwave popcorn has become "the normal kind."
4. About once a year I buy a box of Fat Free Low Salt microwave popcorn, thinking that "This time I will change my ways and eat healthy!" After all, popcorn is a whole grain. And we should all be eating more whole grains. (n.b. this is the same excuse I use for eating rice pudding made of brown rice.)
But fat free low salt microwave popcorn tastes awful, and squeaks against your teeth, and every time I finish the box I am relieved to buy a box of non-diet popcorn.
5. I eat microwave popcorn for dinner more often than any grown adult should.
6. My favorite is Pop Secret Homestyle. Some day they will stop making it, and I will be sad.
7. They make a grocery store knock-off version of every microwave popcorn except Pop Secret Homestyle. Why? Because the universe is a cruel and fickle place, my friends.
8. Popcorn Lung was all the rage in the news a few years ago. I do find it disquieting that one of my favorite snacks can be deadly if you inhale too many of its fumes. But that doesn't stop me buying and eating it.
9. Alton Brown swears that you can make your own microwave popcorn by putting popcorn kernels into a brown paper bag, stapling it shut, and microwaving it. I have tried this six ways from Sunday and never got it to work properly.
When I used staples, the paper scorched around them and gave the popcorn a bad flavor. When I didn't use staples the bag didn't stay shut, no matter how tightly I curled up the top. If the bag doesn't stay shut, the heat isn't retained, and the kernels don't pop.
In my "best" batch, about 1/3rd of the kernels popped (leaving 2/3rds scorched and unpopped). And the popcorn was rubbery. I gave up and went back to the terrible mass market chemical laden overprocessed stuff. (a.k.a. Pop Secret Homestyle.)
10. The final step of the instructions on the bag of Pop Secret Homestyle is "Pour into a bowl and enjoy." Whenever I read that I think, "How optimistic of them." Then I eat it right out of the bag, just like everyone else in the world.
Photo credit: Flickr/infilmity