The three ways to win a potluck

The three ways to win a potluck

Winning strategies for that most dismal of affairs.

This is potluck season. Whether it's an office potluck, a family potluck, or a social event at your church, hobbyist group, knitting circle, or what have you, potlucks are an event with a surprisingly high emotional overhead. How do you want to win? What strategy should you employ?

Winning Scenario 1: Cheapest
If your goal is to spend as little money as possible for this stupid potluck (hey, you've got gifts to buy and rent to make!) then your first order of business should be to scour your cupboards. What can you put together with the ingredients you already have at hand? 
 
Suggestions: If you have a can of refried beans, you're just a Taco Seasoning packet away from bean dip. (No need to bring the chips - someone else will bring a bag, guaranteed. And even if they don't, who cares? You've done your duty.)
 
Winning Scenario 2: Easiest
You're okay with spending a little money, but you don't want to spend any time or mental effort on this potluck. Your best option is to swing by the store on your way to the potluck and buy a few things that require no more effort than setting them on the card table with everything else. Boom: done.
 
Suggestions: A 2-liter each of Coke, Diet Coke, 7-Up, and diet 7-up. A few bags of chips (at least one bag of tortilla chips to help out the person employing Scenario 1). A box of assorted cookies from the bakery. A tub of pre-made salad from the deli department. 
 
NOTE: Please don't get those cold tortilla wrap pinwheel sandwiches with the turkey and cream cheese. No one likes those. They are an abomination.
 
Winning Scenario 3: Full-On Martha Stewart Double Rainbow
Your eyes are on the prize! You're willing to do whatever it takes to win this potluck. Bonus points for any of the following qualities in your entrée (but only if you tell people about it, obviously): organic, gluten-free, dairy-free, treasured family recipe, locally-sourced ingredients.
 
If you're not a good cook, don't despair! You can still win this category by bringing either a chocolate fountain or a cheese fondue, or both. People go crazy for that stuff.
 
Suggestion: If this is your first time with the recipe, do a trial run at least a week in advance. Make only half as much as you think you will need - always leave them wanting more! Cultivate an air of mystery: when people ask you for the recipe, offer to email it to them, and then never do so.