(Don't) Become A Guerilla Chef

Please think of your coworkers!
I admit it, I enjoyed Brian Palmer's article in Slate about how you too can become a guerilla chef. As Palmer explains, this basically involves bringing a hot plate and an electric fry pan into your office, closing the door, and cooking yourself a proper lunch from fresh ingredients.
 
The first and most obvious point to be made here is, how many people actually work in offices anymore? How many people actually have a door that they can close, versus a cubicle? In my (completely off-the-cuff) estimation, only about 2% of America's total work force can bring in a hot plate and close the door. The rest are working in cubicles, restaurants, auto shops, industrial plants, driving trucks, etc. So this strategy is, strictly from a statistical standpoint, a tool of the cultural elite. 

Which is to say, if you have an office with a door that closes, what are you doing bothering with a hot plate? Just go buy lunch at a fancy restaurant like all the other white male middle management dudes!
 
I kid because I love.
 
Seriously though, there are a lot of reasons to prepare your own lunch. I'm a big fan of frugality, regardless of your income level. But why shun the office kitchen? Sure, the décor may leave something to be desired. But what kind of snob first acknowledges the class distinction between "those who eat in the office kitchen" and "those who do not," then asserts that "Nothing worth eating has ever come out of an office kitchen."
 
I wonder, if Palmer objects so much to the office kitchen's "[reek] of stale, microwaved cheese," whether he has stopped to consider what his office mates might think about the way that his lunch "let[s] the office fill with the aroma of sautéed garlic and chopped cilantro." He may believe that by closing his door, he is trapping all the smell inside (and how selfish of him). But he is wrong. An office is not an airtight containment unit. 
 
Everyone else, I assure you, can smell what Mr. Palmer is cooking. The fact that they pretend not to notice is just a measure of their patience. Of the patience for every lowly cubicle worker for the eccentricities of their supervisors.
 
However, I do love the idea of walking out of the office onto the industrial park lawn and firing up an improvised Sterno can stove in order to cook your lunch. If you actually do this, please let me know how it goes!

How To Make A Basic Salad At Home

For a fraction the price of a salad bar or pre-packaged kit!
This may sound ridiculous, but as someone who was raised on a steady diet of pre-packaged prepared foods, I'll be honest with you: I had no idea how to make a salad for the longest time. My efforts were, shall we say, "unsuccessful." It took me a while, and a lot of trial and error, before I mastered the art of making a simple salad that I enjoyed eating.
 
And if the sales of those pre-packaged all-in-one salad kits are any indication, I'm not the only one!
 
Part 1: The Base Layer
Most likely, this will be lettuce. You might be tempted to buy one of those bags of pre-cut, pre-washed lettuce. I won't judge! But I will say that I personally prefer to buy a head of Bibb, Red, or Green lettuce. The texture is more tender, and they are usually less bitter than the pre-packaged stuff.

 
Part 2: Toppings
Ask yourself, what do you enjoy at the salad bar? Personally I like to top my salads with shredded carrot (I shred it with a cheese grater), shredded cheese (ditto), and a handful of cherry tomatoes in season. Go nuts here - anything that strikes your fancy is worth a shot. 
 
If you need inspiration, find a salad bar and note the stuff that looks good to you. 
 
Part 3: Crunchy
I like to add something crunchy and salty as a final later. This can be sesame seeds, croutons, or one of those nifty salad toppings they sell now. 
 
Part 4: Dressing
Cruise the dressing aisle and pick out something you will like. For now, avoid the stuff you think you SHOULD like. Along those lines, I recommend against lite or low-fat dressings. In my experience, it's not worth it.
 
Preparation
The only non-obvious part of assembling your salad is preparing the lettuce. Tear off 3-5 leaves from the base, and give them a nice rinse under cold water. Pat or shake them dry, then stack them atop each other on your cutting board.
 
Slice the stack of leaves lengthwise at least once. Maybe 2-3 slices, if the leaves are very broad. 
 
Now rotate them (or rotate your cutting board) and cut across in the other direction. Your goal is to make strips of lettuce that are about an inch wide, and no more than 2-3 inches long. Any bigger, and they get clumsy to handle and difficult to eat.
 
Now top that bad boy and get to crunchin'!
 

Tea Hoarding?

In my last article, I discussed the varieties of tea I keep on hand.  It does seem that the tea drinkers I know, including myself, keep several types on hand at once.  One box of tea is never enough.

Now I am on the horns of a dilemma.  There is only one bag left of my current favorite fruity tea.  My glass tea canister is filled almost above the top with chamomile, ginger-spiced white tea, and decaffeinated Constant Comment.  I have no need for tea.  There is plenty in the jar to last for the last few weeks of winter.  Furthermore, this winter has been almost balmy in the Midwest, compared to the last few years, anyway.  Can I justify replenishing the peach-mango tea, which is hardly a necessity?

It is certainly possible to rationalize having 40, 50, 60 or more teabags on hand, even if the rationalizations are not particularly rational.  Friends and family might drop by, and it would be nice to offer them a spot of tea.  That I have not had any friends or family drop by for tea in months is no matter.  They could drop by. They might drop by.

I may need to drink cup upon cup of tea to get through writing and transcription deadlines that could pile up unexpectedly.  Yes, that could happen, but like the friends and family dropping in from out of the blue, it is unlikely to happen.  Much as I love tea, I have never had more than two cups a day.  Some days I do not drink any. 

Different teas must be on hand for different moods and cravings.  This is probably the real reason that tea drinkers keep so many varieties of tea.  We like choice.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Still, I think that I will hold off on buying more tea—for now.  

National Pancake Day Means Free Pancakes


I never knew there was such a thing as National Pancake Day. Since I love pancakes, however, I was very excited to make that discovery. Apparently, Tuesday, February 28th is National Pancake Day. This year IHOP is celebrating by offering free pancakes to its customers.

Here is how the deal works. You show up at your local IHOP restaurant on February 28th between the hours of 7 am and 10 pm and order a short stack of the restaurant’s famous buttermilk pancakes. You will not be charged for the pancakes at all. Instead, IHOP hopes you will find it in your heart to donate any dollar amount to the Children’s Miracle Network of hospitals.

Of course, the restaurant chain cannot force you to make a donation for the pancakes if you don’t want to, but as a mother of a special needs child, I see the need that the families who utilize the Children’s Miracle Network face. I would urge you to consider at least donating what the cost of the pancakes would have been.

This year, IHOP has a goal to raise 2.7 million dollars for charity. In order for you to help them meet that goal, you can take advantage of the Celebrity Wake-Up Call offer on the IHOP website. There are a few celebrities you can choose from to wake you up including, Marie Osmond, David Archuleta, Boo Boo Stewart, Branden Meyer, or Jordin Sparks. You just need to fill in your name, telephone number, and the time you want them to wake you up.

I think this offer is a win-win for everyone. I am signing-off to mark my calendar!
 

A Soup, Even The Scale, Will Enjoy

Although many of us are still anticipating spring time and the shift to warmer weather, reality is that winter is still upon us and cool/cold weather continues nipping at more than our nose.  On these cool days, nothing sounds better than a nice, hot bowl of soup to take the edge off.  Yet, finding a delicious, healthy soup can be a challenge for those of us, wanting to ensure we continue watching our waistlines.

Often times, soup is packed with sodium…which we all know, in excess, is not the healthiest option for us. I live in a city where all four seasons make their presence. Winter involves snow and fall involves cool weather and changing leaves. With that being said, I consistently keep my eyes peeled for healthy soup recipes.

Recently, I came across a great recipe…great flavor, low calories, low fat and average sodium. Italian Vegetable Soup. I know everyone’s vegetable tastes vary; some people love mushrooms, others hate onions; some love broccoli, others hate carrots.  Although this recipe calls for specific vegetables, throwing in the veggies that float your boat, will not throw off the nutritional value of this recipe too much.

For those of you having the additional challenge of tackling picky eaters, or children…I cannot say I loved veggies when I was younger either, but even throwing in a little pasta can lure in a slightly different crowd.  Soup is comfort food.  It warms our insides…warms our homes with its enticing scent…and can warm the conversation at your dinner table.

It’s simple, grab chicken broth, vegetable juice, garlic, barley, celery, onion, green beans, cauliflower, and diced tomatoes.  Toss your ingredients together and get your soup on.

 

 

Go-Go Juice: The Secret Recipe Revealed

Six year old "Toddlers & Tiaras" star drinks Mountain Dew mixed with Red Bull
A few weeks ago, a little girl named Alanna made such an impression in a new episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" that even I stopped to watch her. My remote landed on the show as I was flipping through the channels, just long enough to see her grabbing her tiny six-year-old gut and exclaiming that "A dollar make me holler honey boo boo child." 
 
I was hooked. I watched the entire episode. And I wasn't alone: Alanna's wacky antics made her an internet sensation. 
 
One of Alanna's claims to fame is her "Go-Go Juice." The practice of doping toddler pageant queens with sugar and caffeine had been, up until that point, kept quiet. Apparently everyone does it, but only Alanna and her mother were frank enough (or artless enough) to admit it.

 
Studying the bottle Alanna drank from (which had its label removed), I assumed that her Go-Go Juice was Mountain Dew. I was half right.
 
 
I know, right? The kid is SIX. 
 
I was a little scared of that concoction, and I'm a grown adult. But I just couldn't resist the allure. Which is why I am having trouble writing this article: I am having trouble typing, because I am too jittery. I am not even joking: this stuff packs a wallop.
 
The taste is certainly odd. Both Mountain Dew and Red Bull have tastes that I would describe as "citrusy floral." I wondered what would happen if you combined them. I was familiar with Red Bull and 7-Up (delicious!) but the entire point of that drink is to dilute the Red Bull punch. I couldn't imagine doing the opposite.
 
There are a lot of strange things about Go-Go Juice. Surely one of the strangest is that the tastes of both drinks seem to cancel each other out. The resulting drink is less citrusy and floral than either component tastes on its own. However, the reduction in citrus/floral brings to prominence a strange chalky/metallic taste, like a vitamin pill. 
 
Despite what Alanna's mother told Dr. Drew, it does not taste like "apple juice." (Her description makes me wonder what the eff kind of apple juice that family drinks?)
 
I tell you one thing for sure, though: Go-Go Juice does kinda make me want to twirl around while giggling madly. And I'm betting the crash in an hour or two will be equally epic. (Hold me?)

Foods You Can Turn Into a Heart Shape

Try challenging yourself this Valentine’s Day to see how many foods you can turn into a heart shape. Here are a few ideas to get you started, but I am confident you can come up with many more.

Breakfast

Pancakes: Pancakes are easy to turn into heart shapes. You can carefully spoon the dough onto the pan to create a heart shape, or carve the shape out with a knife.

Eggs: Scramble a few eggs and pour them inside a heart-shaped cookie cutter that has been set over a small frying pan.

Lunch

Sandwiches: Create your favorite sandwich. It can be peanut butter and jelly, bologna and cheese, or tuna fish. Take your heart-shaped cookie cutter and cut a heart shape out of it.

Dinner

Pizza: Roll out your pizza dough and then shape it into a heart. Top with pasta sauce, mozzarella cheese, and pepperoni. For added cuteness, cut the pepperoni slices so that they resemble hearts.

Hot Dogs: Slice one hot dog at a right angle about a third of the way down. Repeat with a second hot dog, but this time cut at a left angle. Join the two angles together to make a heart shape.

Snacks

Strawberries: Simply split a strawberry in half. They have a natural heart shape after you split them down the middle.

Rice Krispies Treats: Follow the recipe on the Rice Krispies box to make your treats. Once they harden, you can chisel out heart shapes to serve for dessert.

Raspberry Cupcakes: Create your favorite cupcakes and then ice them with a light pink icing. You can make the icing pink simply by adding a few drops of red food coloring to a jar of vanilla or cream cheese icing. Now paint a seedless raspberry jam heart on top of the icing with a food paintbrush.

Spice Is the Variety of Tea

Please forgive me for trying to be clever with the title.  While I have not done a scientific survey, anecdotal evidence that I have collected from family and friends suggests most tea drinkers like to keep a variety of teas on hand, rather than drinking only one type. I usually have no fewer than three types of tea on hand at any given time.  Although I occasionally drink black tea, most of my stash consists of herbal and decaffeinated teas. Chamomile tea is actually great to have on hand for those nights when I have trouble sleeping.  One cup of chamomile, and I am asleep within the hour.  For nostalgia's sake, I also keep some Constant Comment on hand.  As alluded to in an earlier post, this was the orange-spiced tea of my childhood sick days.  I still drink it, but now only in the decaf version.  Although I do not like to consume caffeine, I do keep one tea that contains a small amount of caffeine.  The flavor is so mild and fruity, and the amount of caffeine is so small—about 15 mg per cup—that I do not mind drinking it on occasion.

 

Going through my stash today, I found that I currently have five different teas, six if the two different chamomile brands are counted. My mother always has at least four or five different varieties, as do my tea-drinking friends and other relatives.  Maybe I should ask the readers of this blog to get a better survey sample, so to speak. How about it High Tea-ers?  Do you keep a variety of teas on hand or do you prefer to rely on one or two go-to teas?   

     

Kick The Chain Restaurant Habit

Eat at independent locally-owned restaurants instead!
This article in Primer Magazine outlines all the reasons why chain restaurants are bad, and offers several suggestions for how to avoid the habit. 
 
I literally do not understand why Applebee's is America's most popular restaurant. Seriously, Applebee's is #1, top of the charts with a bullet. I have been there twice in the last five years. Both times the food was mediocre, too salty, overpriced, and the restaurant was far noisier than it had any right to be, given the number of customers. 

 
I have to start by saying that I am not a food snob. I'm also not the kind of food snob who says things like "I'm not a food snob, I enjoy a Big Mac every once in a while," but is actually just being patronizing. That statement is the foodie equivalent of saying "I have several black friends" or "my cousin is gay." 
 
Honest: I'm not a food snob. Last night I stocked up on boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese because they were on sale, and 10 boxes will hold me about 3 months. And I don't have kids, mind you. That's just me: a grown adult who voluntarily eats Kraft Mac & Cheese on a semi-regular basis.
 
So.
 
Simply put: Stop going to chain restaurants because it's a bad value. There are two ways you can go, instead:
 
1. Learn to cook the things you buy at chain restaurants. 
 
I guarantee you, the dishes you always order there are things you can cook a close approximation of at home. It will cost far less, taste far better, and be a lot healthier for you. 
 
I recently buckled down and learned how to cook my own steak. Steak was always something I ordered at restaurants, because the idea of cooking steak intimidated me. For decades I paid a 2,000% mark-up, and for what? 
 
2. Find locally-owned independent restaurants instead. 
 
For one thing, your money will be supporting local business, which in turn supports your local economy to a surprising extent. Out of every dollar spent at a chain restaurant, only 43 cents stays in your community. But out of every dollar spent at an independent locally-owned business, 68 cents stays home.
 
For another thing, the food will be so much better! It will literally ruin you for chain restaurants like Olive Garden and Applebee's. 
 
Sure it can seem like a gamble to try an independent restaurant, particularly if you're used to the "much of a sameness" nature of chain restaurants. But trust me, it's worth it!
 

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