"Natural" on a food label is meaningless

Consumer Reports digs into the truth

Consumers often gravitate towards foods described by the label as "natural." Why wouldn't you? Sounds great, right?

One problem: the word is absolutely meaningless when it comes to food labels. Two thirds of Americans buy food labeled "natural," but the word can encompass crops sprayed with pesticide, meat from animals raised on antibiotics, genetically engineered crops, and artificial preservatives made from industrial chemicals.

The problem is that the FDA has no regulations which determine what "natural" does and doesn't mean. (Unlike other terms like "low calorie" or "organic," which have legal definitions that the manufacturer needs to meet.)

Of course, many consumers gravitate towards foods labeled "natural" because they are perceived as being just as healthy as foods labeled "organic," but without the added price. Sadly, there is no free lunch, so to speak.

All hail the pizza waffle!

I for one welcome our new snacking overlord
What won't they think of next? Someone came up with the brilliant idea of a pizza waffle, and I'm telling you, the world will never be the same.
 
A pizza waffle is essentially a form of calzone. You put pizza filling between two thin layers of dough, then cook it in a waffle iron. The result is pizza-y, waffle-y goodness.
 
Pizza waffles are also an excellent argument for owning a waffle maker. Which, let's face it, is not the most versatile kitchen cooking device.

The Mast Brothers scandal

Artisanal chocolate? Maybe not!

The first thing you probably notice about a Mast Brothers chocolate bar is the beautiful packaging. The second thing you probably notice is the price - around ten bucks a bar. Mast Brothers chocolate bars are advertised as being "bean-to-bar," although it turns out that this may not be quite accurate.

According to a recent expose, Mast Brothers did not begin as "bean-to-bar" (a term that means that the chocolatier had full control over the product, from the raw cocoa bean to the finished bar). It seems that at first, they simply remelted a standard commercial chocolate, flavored it as needed, and packaged it as their own.

The question is, are they still doing this? No one knows, and the Mast Brothers aren't saying. 

In the mean time if you want to pay ten bucks for a really nice package and a charming story, be my guest. But if what you really want is actual small-batch artisinal chocolate... you might want to look elsewhere.

Are you ready to eat crickets?

You should!
There are a lot of reasons why you should be eating food made with cricket flour. From a nutritional standpoint, crickets are high in protein, low in fat, and rich in amino acids and omega-3 fatty acids. From an ecological perspective, crickets provide far more protein per acre than chickens, hogs, or cows ever could. Not to mention they require far less water, don't require widespread use of antibiotics, and have a far smaller carbon footprint.
 
There's only one catch: it's crickets. You are eating crickets.
 
My boyfriend occasionally buys a carton of Exo Bars, which are proudly made from cricket flour. There is no getting around it - it's right there on the box, which is labeled "CRICKETS ARE DELICIOUS" in red and white packing tape. The package of the bars is just as pro-cricket, with "MADE WITH CRICKET FLOUR" prominently displayed.
 
I would love to tell you what they taste like, but… I just can't. I am sure they are delicious. I am sure if I tried some without knowing what was in it, I would love it. But I can't unwrap that package without thinking about all those little cricket legs, the shiny carapace, the waving antennae. 
 
Nevertheless, this is probably the future of food in a world post-climate change. Eat up!
 

What do you bring to Thanksgiving?

Or do you host?
Everyone has their own customary Thanksgiving roles. My life has changed a lot over the last year, but I am relieved that my Thanksgiving role won't change. This year we will be driving about five hours north to spend the holiday with my boyfriend's family. I am, as always, in the position of guest.
 
I can cook, but I lack patience in the kitchen, and I get easily stressed out, especially if multiple people are involved. I'm so glad my boyfriend's family tradition doesn't require me to bake a turkey or play hostess. That would be kind of a nightmare.
 
I also had the luxury of picking something to bring, because I will be the only person at Thanksgiving who can't eat gluten. This means that I was able to say "I would love pie but I don't want to put you out, how about if I bake a pie with gluten-free crust?"
 
The benefit to me being not only do I get to eat pie, but I didn't get assigned something I didn't like or didn't know how to cook. I have found a pretty amazing gluten free pie crust recipe, and I have been working on my dough-rolling skills for the past few months. This should be an easy one.
 
Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving, bringing a side dish, or opting out of the holiday altogether, I hope next Thursday sees you well!

The Starbucks Christmas cup controversy-that-isn't

Come on, folks
The latest social media tempest in a tea pot is the supposed outrage of Christians that Starbucks removed snowflakes from their iconic red holiday coffee cup. This is big enough news that Donald Trump took up the cause, which is all you really need to know about it.
 
Starbucks went minimalist this year, with a cup design that is simply red fading to a darker cranberry color at the bottom. It's elegant and simple, but to "some Christians" this represents just another example of the War on Christmas.
 
The truth is, 99.8% of Christians couldn't care less. 2% of any population is going to complain about anything. No one cares about Starbucks cups, and it won't make a single dent in sales, believe me.
 
The bigger issue, if you ask me, is the way that social media is fueled by outrage. More people are outraged about the outrage than were originally outraged, if you follow me. There are about six people in the world who are angry about the Starbucks cups, but thousands of Twitter and Facebook posts about how wrong those people are.
 
This holiday season, let's all just drink our coffee in peace and try to stay out of each other's business!

The Tom Collins started as a troll

Those wacky Industrial Age pranksters!
Timely that I should stumble across this article, because I just made my first Tom Collins last night. It turns out that the drink began as a prank on the city streets of 1874. 
 
As you were strolling about (no doubt in your top hat and spats), someone would run up to you and ask if you knew Tom Collins. They would then breathlessly explain that Tom Collins was talking trash about you in that bar over there. 
 
Infuriated, the victim of the prank would storm into the bar and demand to speak to this Tom Collins fellow. In many cases, the people in the bar knew of the whole "Tom Collins" prank, and one of them might helpfully pipe up that "Tom Collins left, said he was going to that bar down the street," and send the victim off on another leg of the snipe hunt.
 
This became such a big thing that one bartender decided to turn it to his advantage. He made a gin-based drink, and named it Tom Collins. Looking for Tom Collins? This bartender had it ready for you!
 
A Tom Collins was my grandmother's favorite drink. I remember going to the neighborhood Chinese restaurant when I visited her, she would always order a Tom Collins for herself and a Shirley Temple for me. 
 
This refreshing drink is easy to make: mix half a shot of simple syrup, 1 shot lemon juice, and 2 shots of gin in a tall glass. Add ice and fill with club soda. 

Will meat really give you cancer?

New WHO study slams processed meats
The food world was rocked by a World Health Organization (WHO) report which linked bacon, sausage, and other processed meats to high rates of stomach and colon cancer. Along the way, they also cast suspicion on all red meat as a whole.
 
Of course, we have known for a long time that processed meats are bad for you, and the link with cancer has been significant. However, most people do not eat processed meats on a daily basis. A daily dose of bacon might be delicious, but it is far from health food. Between the nitrates, the salt, the fat, and the potential carcinogens, it's better to keep it an occasional treat.
 
In fact, most reliable sources agree that processed meats are fine once or twice a week. But go easy on it. A daily 50-gram serving of processed meats (equivalent to one hot dog or 3-4 slices of deli meat) can increase your risk for colorectal cancer by up to 18%.
 
Red meat is a different story. The WHO lists red meat as "possibly carcinogenic." It is true that grilled red meat can be carcinogenic, thanks to the carcinogens left behind in the delicious grilling process. (Sad!)
 

JetBlue plants a "farm" at JFK Airport

But… why?
I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this story. For a variety of reasons (most of them more philosophic than practical) JetBlue has decided to start a farm outside Terminal 5 at New York's JFK Airport.
 
First of all, the term "farm" is a bit of a misnomer. Looking at the photographs and reading the descriptions, I think "garden" might be more accurate. 
 
The crops were chosen in order to avoid attracting birds to the airport, which might pose a hazard to flights. The airline is growing lavender, kale, and lots of blue potatoes. Of everything that is being grown, the only thing likely to be fed to JetBlue passengers is the blue potatoes, which JetBlue hopes will be used in the TERRA chips that they serve in-flight.
 
One wonders how excited TERRA is to receive a few hundred pounds of potatoes grown outside an airport. JetBlue protests that it's the same amount of pollution you might find on any average New York city street. I hardly find that a reassuring thought. Lead, cadmium, and other heavy metals often collect in plants grown along roadsides. They aren't generally considered safe to eat.
 
On the other hand, this is the kind of resourcefulness that people can find inspirational. JetBlue is growing its plants inside plastic milk crates, stacked two deep, arranged in long rows 2 crates wide. It looks like the top crate is full of soil (I presume the crate is lined with plastic to keep it in), and the bottom crate acts as a riser. This is a good way to use up surplus plastic crates, and could be adapted to any rooftop or balcony garden. And with climate change in full swing, it's important to stay nimble where our food supply is concerned.

What is a "walking taco"?

Food is confusing!
I recently learned about a bizarre "new" food which I'm torn between wanting to try, and decrying as an abomination. It's called a "walking taco," and apparently it - like so many delicacies - was developed at state fairs, 4H events, horse shows, and the like.
 
To make a walking taco, you just dump taco fixins (including spiced ground beef, shredded cheese, shredded lettuce, and sour cream) into a mini deli bag of Doritos or Fritos. Presto, you got your walking taco. Is it revolting or delicious? Yes!
 
Walking tacos have caught on to the point that Lunchables is making their own version, and several upmarket food bloggers have created lavish photo essays on how to make your own walking taco, say for an ironic Super Bowl party with your hipster friends.
 
Part of my problem with the walking taco is that you are literally eating your food out of garbage. The bag is the part you throw away, it's not meant to be a container for your food. I can't quite get past this point.
 
The other part of my problem is that throwing taco filling into a bag of Doritos doesn't make it a taco!

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